I am singing my blues…

For the past 2 days, I’ve been sad. It didn’t make want to blog or go to my internship or do anything. I also felt extremely tired. I don’t know why I just suddenly became miserable, irritable and annoying. I suffered a mild case of depression 2 years ago. It lasted over 4 months. I am spiritual and I think I was being protected by some sort of divine energy that made me snap out of it. I sought help and I got better. Ever since then I have to fight to keep the funk away. It is always there at the edges. Sometimes it makes me not care about anything.  I know and have seen people who suffer from depression that has lasted years. I just don’t want to suffer the same fate. I am telling you even the milder bout of depression is scary. It is really hard to describe. You might seem normal from outside but you don’t really feel right inside. Anyway, I am out of the funk for now. I’ll try to post more regularly.

Here enjoy the Korean group Big bang’s song Blue. It is a pretty good song and I got my title from it. Also, stay positive people and never give up. Fighting!


So George Orwell was right?

By now you have all heard about PRISM. Basically all the Tech giants like Google, Facebook, Yahoo etc collaborated with the government by providing all the data to NSA. Yup, the American government has access to all your information. Now, I don’t think the government’s intention was bad and they probably are trying to save you from the next terrorist threat. But good intentions can have bad consequences. I think this “collaboration” is illegal and breaks the 4th Amendment. Now I know all these companies were accessing our information so they could sell us stuff. I am worried that people don’t take their privacy seriously. I told my dad about this and his response was, “the Government’s just trying to help us”. Yes, they probably are just trying to help us.  However,  they are already a powerful entity and do not need more power.

Changing Ourselves

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy

Last year, I was a whining, entitled twit who believed the world owed her something. “Why don’t they hire me? I am such a hard worker,” I whined to my parents. Yet, I didn’t have the skills to get the job. Sure there are people who get jobs through connections but I was just procrastinating and complaining. I am recently taking steps to get more work experience and doing an internship at a law firm. It is not paid but I learn valuable skills. So, let’s celebrate the first step to change. We are not changing the word but ourselves so we can be better. If you have recently decided to change yourself by acquiring a new skill, modifying your attitude or starting an exercising regimen, please share your story.

P.S: The photo on my header is by designgute. Please check out more photographs from him.

I am a delusional fan

Watch the video. It is bad, isn’t it? The song is horrid, the dance is cheesy. They are the Korean equivalent to One Direction although Jongdae is a great singer.

Jongdae (Chen)

Yet, I cannot stop liking them. These boys, they are such hard workers and they have creepy stalkerish teen fangirls who harass them. I just feel bad for them. Also, they are forced to do this song by their entertainment company. See, it is easy to make excuses. Their album is dropping on June 3. I will probably end up buying it. The rest of the songs are so much better especially Heart Attack. I have bad taste in music, right? Still can not stop liking them. Delusional Fan is me.


I have been attacked

Dear readers, I’ve been very troubled for the past 2 days. You see, I have been attacked by Pimplus Eruptus. Okay, it is just a bad case of acne that I never had to experience as a teenager. Lest you think I am exaggerating, I will let you know that I am also getting a pimple at the tip of my nose. Who gets a pimple at that spot? This month has been extremely stressful for me and maybe I am not eating well. I am trying a new skincare routine to battle the blemishes but seriously, I am not liking the way my face looks. Plus, it gets itchy and painful. Yes, this is a superfluous blog post. I understand there is war and famine going on in other parts of the world. But, my face still belongs to me and I can’t get rid of it.  It really impacts the way I feel. Any suggestions on how to battle blemishes? Home remedies? I do have sensitive skin so nothing with lemon. My face will turn into an angrier shade of red.

P.S: Give me one more week to settle into the new home and then I will update regularly. Also, I promise to post picture of the new place.

We worry about insignificant things

Yesterday, I slipped on the stairs and hit my head hard on the edge. At that moment, fear took hold of me and I thought, is this it? Will I die? Luckily, I was fine and just got a big bump on my head and bruises on my legs. In that brief moment, I had an Epiphany. I realized that most of us spend our whole lives worrying about insignificant things. How many of us stress over our commute to work everyday? Do we get all nervous when we are late? How about stressing over our appearance? We spend most of our lives thinking about these things and consequentially are unhappy. Now, I am not saying, do not take things in life seriously. Coming to work on time is good but you can only control so many things in your life. If there is bad traffic and you left work on time, you cannot do anything. Stop being irritable. Just take a deep breath. You are alive and this means that you have the rest of day to accomplish whatever you set out to do. Relax and enjoy life because it can be gone any moment. Really we all need to cherish our lives because it is precious.

Homophobia and South Asian community in Canada

Homosexuality is not discussed much in South Asian cultures. Well, heterosexual sexuality is not discussed either so homosexuality which is considered abnormal is far from everyone’s mind. If you’ve read my previous posts, you would know I was 12 when I moved to Canada. It is here that I actually first learned about homosexuality. I know this makes me sound very ignorant but I did grow up in a small town. These topics were not discussed in good middle class homes. India does have Hijras (the transgendered/eunachs) but no explanation was given to me.  For the first time here, I realized that there were people who fell in love with another person of same sex.  It was weird to me and it took about a year for me to wrap my head around it. But, eventually, I came to accept it as normal and part of life. There were people who were different from me but they had the right to live a happy life. Sadly, not everyone from South Asian community comes to that understanding. I do think younger South Asian Canadians are more accepting. There are also older and wiser people who are  fine with it. Nevertheless, a silent majority still exists that is homophobic. Now, you won’t hear much about South Asians beating up any gay men or punishing a lesbian woman. Most of the older generation wouldn’t even recognize if you are gay unless you explicitly state it to them. Even then, they might just act awkwardly around you or avoid you.  But, they are quite intolerant when it comes to South Asian LGBT community. I feel it is much harder for a South Asian man/woman to come out of closet. Even if parents are accepting, the larger South Asian community isn’t. Again, the concept of izzat comes to play. You might lose izzat if your son marries another man. People might blame you for raising your son wrong. It is quite an awful thing. Now, I understand that these problems exist in the larger Canadian society as well. Sure, Canada is quite progressive when it comes to laws. But behind the thin veneer of politeness, there exists deep intolerance. The hope again lies with the young people. They are more accepting of people that are different from them. Although, even among young people, there is homophobia.  Hopefully, educating people helps with understanding. The western media is slowly doing a better job of portraying LGBT characters. My mom’s favorite talk show is Ellen and she doesn’t care about her sexuality. Progress!

I would love to hear from from people who experienced intolerance due to their sexuality. How did you overcome it? Please share your experiences as there are many young people who are being bullied and suffering  due to intolerance in their communities. Your views might help them and the broader community in accepting and dealing with homosexuality.

I just hit a milestone!

Thank you each and everyone of you for following, reading and commenting on my blog. Your feedback, love and support means a lot to me. I now have 50 followers. Woo Hoo! Now, this might be a very small number but for me it matters a lot. Thank you. Oh, today is the closing of our new home. We get the keys today so it is a happy day for me. Now, that the home situation will be finally settled in the coming weeks, I hope to write more as I will be  less busy in my daily life. Have a great day everyone 🙂


Praying for Oklahoma

Oklahoma and other American states were hit by Tornadoes. The devastation there is really quite something. I couldn’t look at the pictures on various news site. Many people died in the aftermath including children. Praying for the families living there. I am posting a link to Oklahoma’s Department of Emergency. Stay safe!