For the past 2 days, I’ve been sad. It didn’t make want to blog or go to my internship or do anything. I also felt extremely tired. I don’t know why I just suddenly became miserable, irritable and annoying. I suffered a mild case of depression 2 years ago. It lasted over 4 months. I am spiritual and I think I was being protected by some sort of divine energy that made me snap out of it. I sought help and I got better. Ever since then I have to fight to keep the funk away. It is always there at the edges. Sometimes it makes me not care about anything. I know and have seen people who suffer from depression that has lasted years. I just don’t want to suffer the same fate. I am telling you even the milder bout of depression is scary. It is really hard to describe. You might seem normal from outside but you don’t really feel right inside. Anyway, I am out of the funk for now. I’ll try to post more regularly.
Here enjoy the Korean group Big bang’s song Blue. It is a pretty good song and I got my title from it. Also, stay positive people and never give up. Fighting!
Yesterday, I slipped on the stairs and hit my head hard on the edge. At that moment, fear took hold of me and I thought, is this it? Will I die? Luckily, I was fine and just got a big bump on my head and bruises on my legs. In that brief moment, I had an Epiphany. I realized that most of us spend our whole lives worrying about insignificant things. How many of us stress over our commute to work everyday? Do we get all nervous when we are late? How about stressing over our appearance? We spend most of our lives thinking about these things and consequentially are unhappy. Now, I am not saying, do not take things in life seriously. Coming to work on time is good but you can only control so many things in your life. If there is bad traffic and you left work on time, you cannot do anything. Stop being irritable. Just take a deep breath. You are alive and this means that you have the rest of day to accomplish whatever you set out to do. Relax and enjoy life because it can be gone any moment. Really we all need to cherish our lives because it is precious.
I feel like my life would be so much more beautiful, if I just let myself be happy. I do not put the effort on my appearance and then complain about guys being superficial. I have a million things I want to pursue but do not do them. Instead, I make excuses. I am not happy but that is because happiness takes effort. You have to fake it until you feel it. You have to fake the smiles, act confident, look good, and then you can feel good. But, I do not do any of this despite knowing it will change my life for better. I think I have learned to wallow in self-pity. So, yeah I sabotage my own happiness, criticize myself but do not do anything about it. Today, I realized you need to put as much effort in yourself as you do in your job, education and your family. I am giving myself 2 weeks to make some meaningful changes and break the bad habits. I’ll let you know if I succeed or fail.